{Don’t they know it’s rude to stare?}

They’re hee-ere….not the extraterrestrials, the fava beans.  They are just vegetables after all so don’t worry about them tying you up and holding you hostage or overthrowing the government or anything like that.  Just don’t look them straight in the eyes or they might hypno-bamboozle you flat in your tracks. If they do manage to outsmart you while your cooking, then you had it coming, dummy.  The weirdest part I admit is the googly eyes, I don’t remember that from last year — maybe they’re evolving, rapidly. Scary!

{Just look at them trying to intimidate me on my own porch!  Cigarette butts everywhere — such the riff raff.}

When I lived on the east coast we got Gypsy Moths this time of year. Out here in California we get fava beans (pretty sweet I know).  This recipe would be all wrong with caterpillars though, so for all you New Englanders, nice try but no substitutions.

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{Pillowy, soft poached eggs rest their weary yolks upon toasted buttery breads.}

This is my favorite breakfast, pure and simple.  I’ve tried for years to perfect the soft boiled egg and just cannot get the yolk perfect and ensure the top shell is removed sans those most undesirable shards.  And that the yolk is runny on the inside and jelly around the edges that is easily achieved by poaching.
There’s something comforting about this meal’s raw elegance in that, if for some reason I should wake up in the forest alone and hungry, I’m secure in the fact I could scavenge old bread and an egg from the dwellers there to poach and toast by a sunlit stream.  I’d serve it on dewy leafs to the field mice, burrow owls, and any forest friends awake and hungry.  Here’s what you need for kitchen preparation (ad-hoc wilderness improvisations are up to you of courshe.)

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{Sometimes the humblest of ingredients can make the most delicious meals. Two day old bread, celery, and the last bits of Parmesan from the cheese bin can take your breath away if you just give them the chance.}

Like it’s velvety counterpart, this dish is bursting with flavor. The combination of fresh tasting celery and salty Parmesan is a match made by the gods for us mortals to enjoy all year round. I used a mandoline to slice the celery extra thin. I thought it only proper to show the utmost respect to the star player here. Make sure that you use the whole bunch of celery down to the the last sweet bits of heart. Oh, and please quietly dispose of the outer stalks as they tend to be tougher than the rest.

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{This little tart sure does live up up to it’s name, my cheeks are still puckering just thinking of the fresh lemon offset by the shortbread and cream. RIP Sweet Tart, we’ll always remember your 20 minutes on earth!}

This was easy as can be to make and worth every minute of effort. I never saw a desert pull a disappearing act quite like this one. It was like my kitchen was in time lapse film with plates and whipped cream flying about at warp speed. My only advice would be to wear some protective lab goggles, you can never be too careful with your peepers.

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{as you can see I’m a big fan of the crisp element and as per usual I have my dish precariously balanced on the back porch’s dusty railing. Which is of course where I eat all my important meals.}

I know what your thinking right now. I do, your thinking ‘oh what a bore. Another tiresome old crisp, why must I be subject to such commonplace treats?’ Well, my answer to you Sir et Madame, is that in the land of crisps and crumbles I know what’s best for you and this is where the party’s at.

The buttery cinnamon, brown sugar, and apples is pure heaven in a spoon with some vanilla ice cream. Oh Yum! The leftovers have been a huge hit at our house all week. The first thing Chris asks me when he gets home is if I ate all the apple crisp. I don’t know what makes him think such things of me, certainly not the crumbs on my desk, I swear.

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{this curry, the most deceiving of all, has shrimp paste added to a GREEN curry. silly sinister curry crafters, why?}

{panang or RED curry, I can see the logic and maybe my own lack thereof landed me this unfriendly mixture containing shrimp paste. my bad!}

I’m allergic to shrimp eeeek! It’s not a problem because shrimps are big enough that if I set my mind to it, lobsters and shrimps won’t accidentally fall into my mouth. Ever subversive, however, are the pastes. It has it’s ways and wits about it, sneaky sneaky that one. Imagine my alarm when I noticed I didn’t notice the fine print. I was just so lost in the excitement of locating such wonderfully authentic curries, now boo!

These brand new still sealed cartons of curry deserve better than my dusty top shelf of the forgotten. It gets rowdy up there in the slums and I simply don’t think they can manage gang activity. So to rescue them from a life of despair I will mail them to you, as the winner of the In Your Face Shrimp Paste, Free Curry Contest!

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{wild caught atlantic salmon poached with fresh herbs, green peppercorns, and lemon gave these salmon cakes that special something}

I’m allergic to shrimp, crab, and lobster. It’s my curse and I’m mostly okay with it since mollusks and me are a match made in heaven. Plus, I really shouldn’t complain since the majority of people in my support group* can’t even have that. Occasionally though, there’s a recipe that will lead me to radical kitchen experiments driven by desperation and denial. Desperate to experience that which the uncursed can indulge and denial of my reality that is ‘hello delicious crabcake’ one minute and ‘goodbye cruel world’ the next.

Amanda over at What We’re Eating recently posted one such recipe for crab cakes that I’ve been stalking and drooling over ever since. I had to have them, no matter the cost. Thus, beginning my week-long expedition into the uncharted territory of crabless crab cakes. The first version I made with sea scallops that were seared, cooled, and then shredded. And the second being this one, made with the best quality salmon I could get my grubby mitts on, poached and shredded.

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{crispy calamari with a light sweet and sour glaze}

Do you like squid thats crispy on the outside and tender on the inside? Do you appreciate the juxtaposition between the salty and the sweet? Are you totally crazy for calamari like I am? Then, this is por vous mon ami, a triple threat from the sea!

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{octopus balls}

I know it looks crazy you guys, but listen to this. So yesterday, a giant sea monster from the abyss showed up threatening to suction all of humanity into oblivion. Luckily for mankind though, I’m not the squeemish type. I *was* scared of the tentacles but who’s bigger, huh? Who?! Basically he attacked me, so I chopped his head and legs off and then ran for my life. That’s how it went down. After our battle, it was quite empowering to devour him. …Mumble, mumble, …mess with me! (swallow)
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