Okay here’s the thing, the room I work in is positioned in the center of the two main hallways that connect into a loop around the entire floor I work on. In order to get to the elevators, break room, conference rooms, etc. no matter where you sit – you have to ORBIT THE ENTIRE PERIPHERY of the floor to reach your destination.

UNLESS we here in this room, this sacred portal, that links the two sides together – grant you a pass. Legend has it that way before my time, people were strictly banned from crossing onto the other side via our gateway. I’m told, this is to prevent pesky sales and support staff from walking through all day interrupting our delicate concentration.

But I, with my ninja-like focusing powers, seriously don’t mind. What does bother me though, is when people intent on cutting through do this whole tiptoe song and dance asking for permission to walk through suck-up thing. Its just uncomfortable, what am I going to say? NO? Uh, I don’t care, just walk on through and lets not discuss it okay? I don’t have anything to say about it except:

• YES, it must totally suck to have to run an 8 minute mile just for a soda.

• And NO, I don’t mind one bit if you walk through here.

I wouldn’t even know you were walking behind my desk if not for the conversation thats initiated every time the question of passage arises. Chin up, one foot in front of the next, ready, set, GO. I have totally run out of things to say to you people on the subject. You’re all interesting enough, there’s a whole wide world of subject matter out there that doesn’t include the anatomy of walking through a room. If you must – lets talk, I’ve got a big mouth and an opinion about pretty much everything! Or not, either way is cool with me. So hark!, I hereby declare the ‘Gateway To The Other Side’ OPEN! OPEN! OPEN! Just like Mervyns. Thanks for your cooperation.

{tags the office rules of engagement}

(click image to steal my backgrounds)

One of my favorite authors is Michael Crichton because he does his research and you always feel like you’ve learned something afterwards. For example, after reading Prey, I went ahead and bought nanotech stocks since I’m now qualified on the subject to make an informed decision. Likewise with Airframe, before take-offs I now inspect the the wings’ construction and volunteer myself to man the emergency exits. I mean who better than me to assist in an emergency, right?

Most recently in State of Fear, Crichton wrote how environmental extremist groups can be just as corrupt as the corporations that make sure earth gets ravaged into a post apocalyptic wasteland. He made a point to mock high society and hollywood elite by illustrating the hypocrisy in their campaign to save the planet. While I totally see his point, having a conciousness about destruction and pollution which is obviously bad has to be a good thing. And thats badass.

The celebrity earth hippy cult, though, are an enlightened crowd. The compassionate smiles, the deep secret understanding, their unsolicited backrubs while whispering sweet nothings about saving spaceship earth into your ear before konking you over the head and dragging you back to their solar powered caves… What? Oh thats right I was blogging.

{tags celebrity earth hippy cult}

Like it or not I am a weezy, sneezy, snot-nosed, athsmatic thing. I Have an allergy attack when just about anything happens outside. Much like a common farm animal, I can usually predict any kind of extreme atmospheric or barometric change. Instead of digging holes or running for the hills, I unleash thunderous sneezing attacks that leave me with a concussion – and Chris with post traumatic stress disorder.

Thats why antihistamines to me are like the nectar of the gods. In all their glorious colorful shiny pill effervescent inhalant RX delivery forms, just knowing my happy place is never further away than the local corner store helps me sleep better at night. It just does. It seems though, that my faithful omnipresent light at the end of the tunnel is slowly being snuffed out.

Yes, and by non-other than our presumptuous asshole government. Pseudoephedrine, which is common in over the counter medicines is also popular with the methamphetamine cooking crowd. So now you can only buy one pack at a time and I’m pretty sure the cashiers get paid extra each time they sneer at you, the drug fiend, and say ‘It’s illegal to buy more than one of these.’

Correct me if I’m wrong here but don’t meth labs blow up all the time? I say let them spin the roulette chamber – if they blow up, they blow up. Its called Natural Selection. Yes Intelligent Design, you heard me right.

I know, things could be worse. And I’m more than thankful to live in a democratic free world where oppression is, for the most part, limited to individual prejudice and stupidity that will probably never go away. But COME ON, the drug war? Don’t we have better things to clog up the house and senate with? Like oh I don’t know, who we’re going to liberate next?

{tags sudafed claritin Pseudoephedrine}