Make some cupcakes.

{tags halloween treats cupcakes}

Once when I worked at Interland a customer got so mad about how tech support treated him that he sent these raving lunatic emails and then drove something like 18 hours overnight from Texas and showed up demanding to come inside and BE HEARD. Security never let him in (and everyone lived) but the emails were hilarious and I SO wish I had copies now. He was an american maniac though, which is probably the scariest type because not only do we have guns but we also have a most unattractive sense of entitlement and superiority. Add to that an expectation of perfection YESTERDAY and its definately more unnerving than funny when the threats start rolling in.

What IS funny though, is when normally civilized people who can’t express themselves in english become angry and frustrated and start calling and sending frantic emails. Especially from say…India. May lightning strike me down please forgive me. Anyway, I’ll never forget one Srini Vasan Viswanathan, who had a dedicated server that was hacked three times in a row. And by the time he got through to a live person on the phone who could help him, he would go bonkers screaming that we were ‘exploding his head!’.

I don’t remember how it happened but eventually we became the best of friends; he knew my hours and refused to talk to anyone else. So Srini Vasan Viswanathan and I worked through our differences and he turned out to be quite reasonable and very funny. His complaints were not without merit and my head would totally explode too if I had to go through layers of support levels just to talk to someone who could reboot a server and make sure it actally came back online.

Now, please do the needful and read the mother of all angry customer emails. And hopefully sometime soon I’ll stop questioning Chris about his status and the power in his backside.

{tags computers tech support email}

Growing up I loved scary movies and my grandfather was the only family member who would take me to see anything R-rated. That is, up until something called The Beast Within after which he said he was ‘drawing the line’ and I ‘was on my own’ from then on. Something about me witnessing the forced impregnation of a young girl by a demonic alien didn’t sit well.

As an even younger child I lived on the french side of St. Maarten where my mother worked in a bar called Goldy’s. While she was working I’d whittle away my days drinking cafe au lait and shirley temples while watching horror movies on Beta Max with Steve Martin which, for the record, I barely remember. I’m realizing as I type this that I not only started early with the blood and guts but also with the excessive drinking and shameless name dropping.

So you see holloween is near and dear to me because this time of year it’s a varitable theater of blood every time I turn on the tv. Which, incidentally, is not a tv at all but a PROJECTOR where I can see all the amityville I see fit 5ft high on my livingroom wall in high definition. In fact, in a reckless display of conspicuous consumption I can SIMULTANEOUSLY record three bloodbaths at one time and thats NOT counting the tivo upstairs. So without further adieu, I have to go finish Freddie vs. Jason and start up Leprechaun II: Back 2 Tha Hood. I said I liked horror, I never said I had good taste. Snobs.

{tags st. maarten scary movies cafe au lait}

“I can’t believe I have jury duty again, I don’t even believe in this government.”

{tags jury duty la}

I haven’t seen him this melancholy since the time I took away all his Joy Division tapes.

{tags cute kitty}

I don’t know why I don’t go to the Farmers Market more often. Thats not true, I do know why, its outside of my three mile supply radius. Especially since I can get round yellow cucumbers and oyster mushrooms. The squash blossoms are my big score though; I’ve eaten them at restaurants but have no idea how to cook them. I’m thinking tempura, right?

**Update: Tempura it is.

{tags squash blossoms santa monica farmers Market}

{tags raccoons}

“I think pretty much the worst thing someone can say to you is: ‘Just tell us where the bodies are’.

{tags overheard}

Feast on his insides.

{tags jack o’lantern halloween}

… about how I got my p***y shaved at the same place as the playboy mansion girls but I won’t. I’ll just say that my little kitty needed a proper shavedown and it turned out to be the same place that Hugh Heffner’s girlfriend takes her cat Gizmo. Look what they did to poor Babaganoosh, I think he accidentally got a brazilian.

{tags kitty playboy mansion}