On September 3rd, 1972 – I was born Aria Melonfish D’Antonio. As a stroke of blind luck on my part the Melonfish was omitted from the birth certificate despite my parents having every intention of branding me with this unfortunate moniker for all eternity. Makes sense I suppose, being I was concieved in a teepee on Marthas Vinyard. So thank you kind hospital administrator with enough mercy to strike that one from the record; I really do appreciate it. Unfortunately the name stuck with me as in “Aria Melonfish you listen to me when I’m talking to you” and “Aria Melonfish, you put some clothes on RIGHT NOW!” or the ever popular “Aria Melonfish D’Antonio! Stop talking to your imaginary friends in the front yard, the neighbors think your posessed!”.

Throughout the years I’ve been called just about every variation you can think of. Some of the better pronounciations remain ah-ree-ay, AH-ria, AIR-ee-uh, uh-REE-uh, and ay-riuh. At least those are honest attempts and, however strangely, actually derived from the word aria. Most people give up entirely and decide to call me something they think suits me better, as if their caveman brains say – ‘no wait too much comprehend use some else name’. The list for these is a long one and the possibilities are ENDLESS. Arianna, ariella, adrianna and yes, the dreaded AERIOLA – to name a few. The ultimate, and I’m not kidding when I say I’ve heard this one a gazillion times, is Ariel followed by the ubiquitous “Oh like the Little Mermaid? I love that movie!”

Eventually I stopped correcting everyone; it was just awkward and hard to do without traces of “what are you fucking crazy?” in my voice. So certain people, mostly at work, I just let call me whatever they want and like I said not ten minutes ago to my newest coworker – I say – “Yes, JUST like the Little Mermaid!”

**Update: I just recieved a piece of inter-office mail addressed to Ariba.

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