• A spider will lay eggs under my skin and they’ll hatch and I will die of fear and horror as the giant insect strings my desanguinated body up in his web as both a trophy and warning to others that they too will be used as vessels for world domination.
  • A valet will spit in my soda can and I will drink it.
  • I will wake up naked in a bathtub full of ice in Mexico with stitches accross my abdomen robbed of vital organs, my dignity, and all identifying documents and because of this nobody will believe me so I’m held hostage and forced to pick fruit for the rest of my life.
  • I will get West Nile Virus and Asian Bird Flu.
  • The spirit of someone who died will take over my cat’s body and tell everyone in heaven all the dispicable things I’ve done so they can keep a record of it.

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